Princesses, Mickey or Minnie, teddy bears, sailboats, butterflies... I'm supposed to be planning a 1st Birthday party theme. I should be able to flip through a photo album showing 12 months of growth for our bouncing baby girl or boy. Instead I sit here on the one year anniversary of our baby's due date with this feeling of emptiness. The same one I've had for over a year and a half now since the miscarriage.
Life goes on, and I really can't believe it's been a year already since his or her due date. That feeling of emptiness dulls in a way, but I have the feeling I will be sitting here on this date feeling the same way for many years to come....Year 2, 5, 13, 18, 25, 30. What would he or she look like? Sound like? What would they be doing for a career? Would they marry and have children?
"You made my whole being; you formed me in my mother’s body." - Psalms 139:13 NCV
As long as I breathe, there will be an emptiness inside me... An ache for my child that I never got to see, empty arms that never held him or her, ears that never heard a small voice call me Mommy. The memory of the day that precious heart beat no more. Remembering the day my womb was empty once again.
But through it all, I know he or she is in Heaven. I believe I will get that hug one of these days. That knowledge gives me hope to deal with this emptiness and grief.
"You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother’s body. When I was put together there you saw my body as it was formed. All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old." - Psalms 139:15-16 NCV
Your Daddy and I love you very much, Baby G. Hope you are celebrating in Heaven with your grandparents. They will love you well until we get there.
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