Some Scattered Thoughts...from 2011

On this Father's Day, I thought I would post one more note I wrote after Daddy passed away in 2011.

"Two weeks and two days since Daddy has been in Heaven... the more time that passes, the more it hurts.  At first I just saw him in that hospital bed and his body slowly shutting down... and I just wanted him to be at peace.  Now that I'm away from the hospital atmosphere, I see him in so many places I go and things I do... Here at home napping in his recliner, going out to eat, working in his garden, greeting customers at Wal-Mart, teasing me.  When he was well and happy.  That is the man I miss.  I cherish the photos and the memories.  I am so thankful for being able to take care of him and Momma so closely.  I love that Daddy and I could be there for each other through the pain of Momma's death.  We were able to discuss our feelings but also share our good memories and laugh together.  I am so glad to have shared the Gatlinburg trip with him in March.  I am so grateful for the memories his co-workers and old friends have shared with me of the man he was when he was away from me.

Air Force - late 1950s

At the time, it felt like Daddy's illness in the hospital lasted forever, but it was really so sudden and unexpected.  The brevity of life, as well as the closeness of Heaven, has never been more real to me.  With both Daddy and Momma and despite the differences in their illnesses, I witnessed the process of God orchestrating the transition between life and death.  I can't really explain it, but how He allowed them to let go, how He arranged our conversations and last moments together, how He prepared all of our hearts.  It was amazing to see them so close to death and at the same time so peaceful and ready to go.

Christmas Eve 1995

Seth and I can look back now and although we knew Daddy was sad after Momma was gone, we can see now how depressed he was without her.  I believe God kept Daddy strong for Momma and then he allowed Daddy's health to decline so they could be together again.  Daddy had prostate cancer for over 10 years, but it didn't become aggressive until recently.  I think He knew Momma couldn't have handled Daddy going first.  Of course, these are all speculations and I won't know until I get there, too, but it is amazing how despite our grief, God has comforted us with some insights into the mystery of death and of Heaven.  Just tiny, tiny glimpses into His handiwork. I also know that because of their relationships with Christ, Momma and Daddy are both not just "dead".  That thought is so final, cold, and empty.  They are so far from "dead".  They are rejoicing forever with Jesus!

Mom and Dad with Newborn Debra - January 1981

Next to God, Seth fills the biggest part of my heart.  But there are also two holes there now that feel so empty... ones that only Momma and Daddy could or ever will be able to fill.  I know the hurt and pain will diminish over time, but that emptiness will always remain... on this earth anyway.  Until God takes me home... Because there is HOPE and JOY in the morning!"

- Debra Thomas Graybeal,
Written September 18, 2011

"...weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." - Psalm 30:5b NIV

Daddy's Bedside

Here is a note I wrote during Daddy's illness.  Thank you, God, for the strength you gave Seth and me to do what we needed to do during this time.  Thank you for my life with this sweet, southern gentleman.

 Senior football - Altoona High 1954

"I know without a doubt that God has given me the strength that only comes from Him to make it through this situation with Daddy. I could not have made it through even one day without His strength and peace. But I feel like I get into a routine of hospital visits, phone calls, doctor questions, paperwork to be filled out, and just putting one foot in front of the other.  So sometimes sitting here by his hospital bed in the quiet and stillness of the night, I feel like I am in a bad dream.  I look at Daddy and almost don't recognize his frail body and pale, sunken face. It feels too much like 7-8 short months ago with Momma. Sometimes I even look at him and see her lying in that bed.

Daddy and me - 1981

It's not my Daddy with the thin, bruised arms that keep jerking. It's certainly not his lungs rattling when he breathes. How could my 6' 3" tall father who weighed 225 pounds a few short weeks ago be less than 180 now?

I sit here and wonder where his mind is now.  Is he just sleeping and dreaming, reliving old memories, or maybe has God allowed his mind to see his future of Heaven?  Does he know his body is lingering here but that shortly he will see Jesus?

Daddy in Gatlinburg - March 2011

I sit here so thankful for the special goodbyes we were able to say to each other a few days ago. Not a permanent farewell but a "see you one day soon" with Momma there too.

I also sit here thankful that when he was still awake that he wasn't dwelling on his situation but he seemed to be enjoying wherever he was in his mind while in the state we call dementia. He was laughing and singing and didn't seem to recognize the pain that cancer can do to a body.

I fully believe God is and has been protecting him, just like He did Momma, until he is totally "absent from the body and present with the Lord" (2 Corinthians 5:8).  I definitely don't have these answers but I am so thankful that the One who does is holding my Daddy close to His side."

- Debra Thomas Graybeal,
Written August 27, 2011
(6 days before Daddy passed away)

Father's Day 2017

As a tribute to my father for Father's Day, I thought I would share what I wrote to go in his Memorial Service Program in September 2011.  I miss you, Daddy!

"My father, Malcolm Dean Thomas, was born September 6, 1935, in a house on Meighan Boulevard in Attalla, Alabama. Almost 76 years later, he passed away just down the same road at Gadsden Regional Medical Center in Gadsden, Alabama.  But the years in between were filled with the full life of a quiet, gentle man who was bigger than life to me.

Daddy’s parents raised him and his younger brother, Deward, in the rural community of Moody’s Chapel in the town of Altoona, Alabama.  Daddy was three years older than Uncle Deward and opposite in personality.  Daddy was the quiet, serious one while Uncle Deward was mischievous and outgoing.  A tragic farming accident and not his job as an Etowah County Sheriff’s Deputy, cut Uncle Deward’s life short in 1972 at the age of 33.  Daddy and my grandfather discovered the accident and Daddy had nightmares about it the rest of his life.

Daddy joined the United States Air Force not long after graduating from Altoona High School.  He spent close to 10 years in the service stationed from Florida to Alaska.  He went on to have many different jobs including working in an ice cream factory, working at the Russell Cave National Monument, delivering propane gas, and he spent about 18 years working in the shop at Bowman Truck Lines in Birmingham.  His last job was as a Greeter for 16 years in the Garden Center at Boaz Wal-Mart.  He worked hard his entire life and was still employed, on a leave of absence, at the time of his death.

Daddy married my mother, Shirley, in 1960, and they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in 2010 before Momma passed away in January of this year.  Daddy followed her to Heaven just 7 months and 2 days later.  I was born in 1981 after Daddy and Momma had been married for 21 years and had given up on ever having children.  I could not have asked for more loving and dedicated parents.

Daddy enjoyed gardening, fishing, Alabama football, and drinking coffee.  He was a man of few words but he could tease with the best of them once he got to know you.  He was extremely friendly and his go-to phrase was, “Y’all go with us”.  He was a caring, dedicated husband and took care of Momma for several years after her health started declining.  He has left behind a legacy of kindness and love.  A lot of employees at the hospital remember the many nights he would come straight to the hospital from working at Wal-Mart, sleep on the cot beside her bed, and then leave the next day to get ready for work again.  He also left a legacy of kindness to his customers and fellow associates at Wal-Mart.  I’ve heard comments such as, “He was always smiling” and “You can’t find a better man than that”. I know I am extremely proud and thankful to be his daughter.

More important than any other relationship, my Daddy had a saving relationship with Jesus and it showed in his attitude and countenance.  Today as we bury my Daddy on his birthday, he has celebrated another kind of birth day.  I know without a doubt that he is in Heaven with Jesus right now.  He is finally able to rest and he is free from the pain of cancer.  I believe he is reunited with his precious wife, as well as the brother with whom he never had a change to say goodbye.  Only because of the sacrifice of Jesus who died for our sins and my own relationship with Jesus, I have the amazing hope and anticipation of seeing my Daddy, as well as my Momma, again.  Instead of sickness and pain, one day I will see the radiance of Heaven on their faces and will be able to spend eternity with them there."

                                                                                                 - Debra Thomas Graybeal



“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33 NIV

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope.” - 1 Thessalonians 4:13 NLT