"Two weeks and two days since Daddy has been in Heaven... the more time that passes, the more it hurts. At first I just saw him in that hospital bed and his body slowly shutting down... and I just wanted him to be at peace. Now that I'm away from the hospital atmosphere, I see him in so many places I go and things I do... Here at home napping in his recliner, going out to eat, working in his garden, greeting customers at Wal-Mart, teasing me. When he was well and happy. That is the man I miss. I cherish the photos and the memories. I am so thankful for being able to take care of him and Momma so closely. I love that Daddy and I could be there for each other through the pain of Momma's death. We were able to discuss our feelings but also share our good memories and laugh together. I am so glad to have shared the Gatlinburg trip with him in March. I am so grateful for the memories his co-workers and old friends have shared with me of the man he was when he was away from me.
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| Air Force - late 1950s |
At the time, it felt like Daddy's illness in the hospital lasted forever, but it was really so sudden and unexpected. The brevity of life, as well as the closeness of Heaven, has never been more real to me. With both Daddy and Momma and despite the differences in their illnesses, I witnessed the process of God orchestrating the transition between life and death. I can't really explain it, but how He allowed them to let go, how He arranged our conversations and last moments together, how He prepared all of our hearts. It was amazing to see them so close to death and at the same time so peaceful and ready to go.
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| Christmas Eve 1995 |
Seth and I can look back now and although we knew Daddy was sad after Momma was gone, we can see now how depressed he was without her. I believe God kept Daddy strong for Momma and then he allowed Daddy's health to decline so they could be together again. Daddy had prostate cancer for over 10 years, but it didn't become aggressive until recently. I think He knew Momma couldn't have handled Daddy going first. Of course, these are all speculations and I won't know until I get there, too, but it is amazing how despite our grief, God has comforted us with some insights into the mystery of death and of Heaven. Just tiny, tiny glimpses into His handiwork. I also know that because of their relationships with Christ, Momma and Daddy are both not just "dead". That thought is so final, cold, and empty. They are so far from "dead". They are rejoicing forever with Jesus!
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| Mom and Dad with Newborn Debra - January 1981 |
Next to God, Seth fills the biggest part of my heart. But there are also two holes there now that feel so empty... ones that only Momma and Daddy could or ever will be able to fill. I know the hurt and pain will diminish over time, but that emptiness will always remain... on this earth anyway. Until God takes me home... Because there is HOPE and JOY in the morning!"
- Debra Thomas Graybeal,
Written September 18, 2011
"...weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." - Psalm 30:5b NIV
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