Daddy's Bedside

Here is a note I wrote during Daddy's illness.  Thank you, God, for the strength you gave Seth and me to do what we needed to do during this time.  Thank you for my life with this sweet, southern gentleman.

 Senior football - Altoona High 1954

"I know without a doubt that God has given me the strength that only comes from Him to make it through this situation with Daddy. I could not have made it through even one day without His strength and peace. But I feel like I get into a routine of hospital visits, phone calls, doctor questions, paperwork to be filled out, and just putting one foot in front of the other.  So sometimes sitting here by his hospital bed in the quiet and stillness of the night, I feel like I am in a bad dream.  I look at Daddy and almost don't recognize his frail body and pale, sunken face. It feels too much like 7-8 short months ago with Momma. Sometimes I even look at him and see her lying in that bed.

Daddy and me - 1981

It's not my Daddy with the thin, bruised arms that keep jerking. It's certainly not his lungs rattling when he breathes. How could my 6' 3" tall father who weighed 225 pounds a few short weeks ago be less than 180 now?

I sit here and wonder where his mind is now.  Is he just sleeping and dreaming, reliving old memories, or maybe has God allowed his mind to see his future of Heaven?  Does he know his body is lingering here but that shortly he will see Jesus?

Daddy in Gatlinburg - March 2011

I sit here so thankful for the special goodbyes we were able to say to each other a few days ago. Not a permanent farewell but a "see you one day soon" with Momma there too.

I also sit here thankful that when he was still awake that he wasn't dwelling on his situation but he seemed to be enjoying wherever he was in his mind while in the state we call dementia. He was laughing and singing and didn't seem to recognize the pain that cancer can do to a body.

I fully believe God is and has been protecting him, just like He did Momma, until he is totally "absent from the body and present with the Lord" (2 Corinthians 5:8).  I definitely don't have these answers but I am so thankful that the One who does is holding my Daddy close to His side."

- Debra Thomas Graybeal,
Written August 27, 2011
(6 days before Daddy passed away)